I'm sick and tired with this world!
It is the easiest of things to find yourself pushed into a dark harmful corner
Life, they say, has its unavoidable ups and downs and we all need to develop defenses “to manage,” as best as we can, when situations decide to take us to the proverbial woodshed for a good beating.
These words have been hammered into my mind since the day I came to realize nothing in this life comes easily, especially if one belongs to those of sensitive, romantic, trusting, and/or easily manipulated nature.
Now in my mid-70s, and suffering from a dastardly incurable malady that often pushes me to the precipice of agony, I do feel weak and unable to continue struggling to survive.
On a more positive note though, I do have a small “support network” of immediate relatives, and a couple of forever friends, who exhibit remarkable patience in listening to my groaning and moaning, mostly during endless telephone conversations.
I consider myself lucky in that all these wonderful people sound (and are) honest in their advice and eternal patience, as they bear hearing my cries, trials and tribulations.
There was a time when I was in their shoes trying to encourage those in hard times by delivering “confident” prognostications and conceivable solutions to impossible problems.
Judging from practicing such moral “first aid,” I’ve discovered that I was quite successful of delivering much-needed succor and, even, applicable tactics to manage often serious personal crises successfully.
Unfortunately, my current predicament is such that my own previously successful tactics turn out to be unable to offer me “operational” encouragement. And my current blind and fearful struggle goes on and on.
Having said that (and continuing to dig into old notes and reminiscences) I have come up with an “action” list of do and don’t when attempting to support friends in need. Offering successful moral support can be crucial, and even life-saving, to those in dire and desperate straits.
So, here’s my own “first aid action plan,” tested successfully in the past, in trying to sustain desperate and unlucky souls.
Make sure your language helps to validate your listener’s bruised feelings. Express your support in unequivocal terms and reassure him/her that you have their backs and they are not alone in this struggle.
Avoid your own “tactical” judgements, and examples of failed attempts to help others, because of your own inflated confidence in your presumed expertise.
Do stay in touch regularly. This is truly critical. A quick call every other day, if possible, can be a surprising boost to your friend or relative in need (and, also, it can deliver warnings about possible trouble that’s brewing silently).
Avoid your own overconfidence in trying to nail down what exactly tortures your good friend in need. Be patient with often desperate confessions and surprising personal details that float up to the surface as a conversation develops.
If you can, offer practical support help. Keep an eye on a person, who is visibly overwhelmed by events and needs a much-desired break from the ongoing crisis. And if you do have the time and the inclination, invite him/her for a cup of coffee in your favorite watering hole or offering to take a long walk with them to chat and release steam.
Crank up your patience reserves and don’t push for more private details and/or explanations if your suffering friend is obviously reluctant or fearful (or both) giving you inner details of what is going on. It is almost a given that, slowly slowly, he or she will open up and eventually bring all key facts on the table.
Finally, never underestimate giving the sufferer a much-needed boost by reminding him/her of their successes of the past that required time and effort. You'd be surprised to discover how uplifting this tactic can be.
All of the above may sound rather complicated, but you’d be surprised to discover how “doable” and helpful they are.
Never forget that something as simple as going for a cup of coffee, or a stroll in the park, with the sufferer, can be a potentially life-saving gesture for a person struggling in a universe of relentless doom and gloom.
Honest.